Another Weekend

Well another weekend is upon us and as I visited with my parents this morning I got a bit melancholy. Grant would have been up with us chatting away and sharing his thoughts, positions and feeling on topics which frankly I hear a lot of WAA WAA WAA on! He was always willing to listen to share with everyone and loved chatting with my Dad. I miss him so much. as I have said before weekends seem to be so much tougher, he was always up early with me while Jim and Ali slept in, I miss those times. I went in to wake Ali this morning at 11:00 and asked her how her sleep was, "still going" is the answer I received! She is a sleeper that is for sure, she is the apple to Jim's tree. I am always amazed at how similar and yet so different my kids are.....

I was out this week and chatting with a lady about her two young children, as we spoke I found myself dreading the coming question- how old are your kids?-  Of course it inevitably came and I answered that my son was 15- would have turned 16 in December, and my daughter is 14. The pause then came, the young lady was unsure how to continue the conversation, I told her that he had passed away recently and the awkward silence that followed was deafening, well at least to me. With my need to continue talking I explained what had happened and she was so apologetic for bringing it up. I guess this is part of our "new normal", as we continue on with our lives this question will continue to pop up and I know it will throw me for a loop every time, I can only hope that I find the correct response- not that there is one- but one that I can be comfortable with.

With the holiday season fast approaching I find myself in a strange state of mind- excited, angry, sad. Grants birthday coming has his words echoing through my head about how he is almost 16.... Can you believe it Mother??? I need to take a page from Ali's book yet again, she is very excited about Christmas, as she loves this time of year, and points out that Grant loved it too, I am sure that loves is the word I should be using, which makes me wonder if he will have Christmas- always the questions in my mind, the never ending questions. I want answers from him, reassurances. My faith which has always been strong, waivers often as I struggle with this reality of our life- someday.......

Day by Day.....