Goodbye 2011

Here it is the second last day of December, 2011. I can't say I will be sad to see it go. This year has been full of heartache, and as I sit here crying and blowing my nose, I am re-living it. I still can't believe that it is a reality, that my boy is no longer with us. Christmas was hard, but we made it through. I could see him so vividly throughout the days, his excited dances, running out to help my parents with their luggage, singing to the Christmas Carols, waiting oh so patiently for the opening of presents to begin. I so desperately want it to be different, to wake up and have this all be a bad dream, but every morning when I get up I realize that this is a bad dream, one that does not end.

It was good to have family with us for Christmas, and the support of friends was ever present. We had a quiet time, we did not watch "White Christmas" although we mentioned it quite often, Grant and my Dad  complained the whole way through it last year, it just wouldn't be the same without Grant, next year perhaps, when the vacant spot is not so fresh.

We attended a World Junior game courtesy of Kids Cancer Care. We were in a suite and ironically Sweden was playing. Grant loved hockey and was so proud of his Swedish heritage- I am sure he was there with us. We met some wonderful people who had also lost their child this year, we shared stories and tears. It was nice to be with people who were going through the same thing, hopefully we can keep in touch and draw strength from one another.

So as 2011 draws to a close, and our struggles continue- with new challenges being added daily, I wonder if 2012 will bring us the much desired lift we all need. I know it comes from within, I just pray that as we round the corner, the strength will come and a ray of light will shine brightly ahead.One thing that I know will help is our beautiful Ali starts her Club volleyball. It will be such a wonderful boost for her, and for Jim and I as well. We are looking forward to the fellowship you get from the team, it will be fun. As well the season starts for Basketball at school, and with her cousin Geoff and Ms McCracken as coaches it can't be anything but fun! If  anything it will be the distraction we all need to help with those baby steps.....

Day by Day.....