The New Year

Well it is here- whether we wanted it to come or not- it's here, 2012. I have really struggled these past few weeks, I thought I was going to be so happy to put 2011 behind us, but when push came to shove, the thought of a new year without Grant was deeply saddening. I hated New Years, I don't think it helped that we were sick (especially me) but I truly despised it. A new year that did not have my son partaking in it..... I still cannot believe he is no longer with us, it is still surreal and yes, I still think he is away at camp and will be returning. Maybe that is the reality, I will see him again, I know that, it just won't be here in the home and on earth where we shared so many things, good and bad.

This year has already presented so many changes, I will no longer be working at Benchmark, on to new and exciting things as Assistant to my beautiful sister and wonderful nephew, Gaye and Geoff Kiefer- Mortgage Specialists with the Royal Bank! Yes my nephew will be my boss....(thank goodness for Nepotism) With the change of course comes my apprehension, being so comfortable with what I had been doing and now I am outside of that zone- I need to take a page from Grants book and soldier on, taking on whatever challenges may come my way, I wish I was more like him- strong and sure of himself, and I wish he was here to give me that pep talk that he was so good at. Jim and Ali have been fantastic as my cheering section, don't get me wrong, I think it is just the fact that Grant and I were together 24 hours a day for 7 months- he and I talked alot, and I miss that.

Ali is back into the swing of school, basketball and volleyball, and I couldn't be happier for her. She is busy almost every day and after the Christmas break she needs to be busy, spare time is tough for all of us- memories and thoughts of happier times lead to sadness, something that we have every day, but it is magnified when we are not busy. I made Jim take the tour to Nanton and Cochrane last weekend just to keep the sadness from setting in. Tears fell anyways as we travelled the highway to Nanton and I thought of all our trips to Sparwood, it is so not fair.... I miss him so much.

In reality I have been getting better at the tear control, although reading this you may not believe it. It has been almost 4 months since we lost Grant, everyday he is on our minds, and in our hearts, and I guess that time moving forward forces us to keep up, even when we don't want to, and that is a good thing- I think....

We were out with friends last weekend and sang along with so many of Grants favourite songs- yes loud and off key- and it was wonderful. He will live on as long as we remember and we do remember Every Day! The beautiful sunrise/ sunsets, the Beatles, Ali wearing his number 8, and yes, even a tinfoil Swan- he is always with us and on our minds

Day by Day.....